HEY GUYS. I HAVE A DATE TO HOMECOMING. DFSKHJFKDFJKASD
I was really happy as a kid. My first memory is my mom and dad’s divorce. They never told me about it but I was a really smart five year old. He moved to Virginia Beach and we moved to Peru, Indiana. We lived in Missouri before that and I remember my mom getting into a car wreck once and being scared to death. She was okay though, I just didn’t want my mom to get hurt. In second grade, my mom and dad decided to try to work everything out and move in together again for my brother and me. I made the best friend ever when I lived there. His name was Andrew and we were young and I barely remember him anymore but I remember that I loved him more than anyone in my life. We were walking to the gas station on the corner and he collapsed. No one ever told me what happened but he died that night. My mom moved us back to Peru because of how broken I was over his death. I made a friend named Sommer and her sister got lice and my mom told me that I wasn’t allowed to see her anymore, she was my first girl best friend. I was really lonely for a few years after that, until fifth grade. I met this guy named Trevor. He’s the chubbiest guy evvvver. He always acted really sad and he wore all black. I was constantly trying to make him happy and he fell in love with me. I stopped talking to him one day and i don’t really remember why, but he told me that he cut himself because of it. I never knew that people actually caused themselves pain to distract them from sadness. I was still lonely all of the time, my mom never let me have friends or hang out with anyone. I got really sad and started to cut my legs and arms. In seventh grade, this guy named Jakob started talking to me. I really liked him and he asked me out on myspace one day and I was so happy. We dated for two weeks and then I broke up with him because he asked this girl Shelby if she wanted to have sex. We ignored each other’s existence for a couple months but during that summer, he messaged me on yahoo messenger and I still had feelings for him. He asked me if I wanted to have sex and I said yeah. On July 6th, 2010 at 2:30 pm. I lost my virginity to him. It was the worst experience ever. I went home and got caught for sneaking out and everyone knew that i had sex because I was bleeding really bad and I wouldn’t stop crying. I got grounded for two weeks and then I got my phone and computer back. Jakob kept asking if I was pregnant and ignored me if I talked about anything else. I knew he would leave me if I said no, so I told him yes and he told his mom. I got really sad and cut myself and called the hospital and told them that I wanted to die and that I would do it. I was in the hospital for the first time ever as an impatient. I met this girl named Wendy and this guy named Marshall. They were both really into drugs. We talked a lot about drugs and once I got out, I started to experiment with things. I never talk about it and act like it never happened. When my parents found out that I was doing drugs, I got sent to Virginia Beach to live with my dad. I met this girl named Jennifer there. Her and I were about to go to walmart to buy something when this really cute guy that everyone liked named Payton messaged me for the first time. I was friends with his ex girlfriend Alivia when they were together and I’d always tell her to say hi to him for me for no reason at all. One day, he called me on Trevor’s phone. I knew that I liked him a whole lot just by talking to him on the phone. My dad retired from the military and I decided to move back to Peru, where he lives. We didn’t really talk at all until August/September of 2011. I was still really into Jakob and I kept telling Payton that I wanted to be with him and then going back to Jakob. Finally, I settled on Payton. I was really happy when I was around him and I never felt like that with Jakob. On October 17th, he walked me home from his house and he asked me if I was his girlfriend. I said yeah but I didn’t really know if we were together because he asked me in a confusing way. The next day I had my friend Sydney take Payton and I to school and he held my hand. I will never ever forget the way his hands felt in mine. I was going to see mayday parade that weekend and I asked him if he wanted to go. He didn’t really want to but he went for me. During one of the songs, he told me that he loved me. I didn’t really understand what he said at first but then I got it and I told him that I love him. I had never been so sure of anything in my life. The next night I stayed the night at his house by myself and we ended up taking adderall and having sex. It felt like my life was complete. I had never been so happy. A couple days later, October 27th, I went over to his house. He gave me morphine and dramamine. It was my first time doing either. I remember sitting in his room, staring at his walls. And then nothing. The next thing I know I’m in the hospital. I almost died, I guess. My mom didn’t want me to see him after that. We stayed together and saw each other at school. I decided to sneak out one night and I got caught. I don’t really know if it was the first time he cheated on me, or what. But him and his current girlfriend, Pharyn, got together and fucked. And him and this girl named Victoria. I couldn’t eat for a really long time and got pretty skinny, down to 100. He told me that he would never cheat on me and he broke his promise. I really died inside, I haven’t been the same since. I refused to stop seeing him and my parents made me move an hour away to Fort Wayne. I was completely alone again and I didn’t know how to cope. I started feeling really sick and not right. It ended out that I was pregnant. My dad made me get an abortion. I could have stopped it, but I fucking suck and I didn’t. Payton and I were still together but he didn’t know about the abortion. We never got to see each other at all. I went to Florida for Spring Break and before I left, he came to my mom’s house and sat on the porch with me and we cried together. Whenever I got back, Payton, Andrea, and Joanna came over and we ate pizza together. Only I only nibbled on mine because people watching me eat makes me nervous. Payton wanted to have sex and I’ve been talking about running away for a long time. We went behind this elementary school in the woods and had sex. He kept telling me to go back home but I refused to. I went to his house and my mom and her boyfriend showed up several times. One time they told Payton that the cops were called and he threw me out, I was alone all that night outside. Most of the night, I slept on my friend Mykayla’s porch. When she woke up, I went inside and texted Payton telling him that I was okay. My mom showed up and I bolted out the back door. I ran to the train tracks and I was honestly done. I didn’t want to live anymore. I laid down beside the train track and waited. My mom ended up finding me. She grabbed me, she wouldn’t let me go. I hit her and begged her to let me go. I told the cop that I was going to kill myself and I was put into the hospital again. They didn’t really help me either. My dad made me move to Florida, where I got seriously into drugs. I stole so much from the people we were living with. I hung out with these kids once and they bought me a shit ton of cigarettes so I started to smoke a lot. They gave me speed and weed. This boy there fell in love with me, but I was not over Payton at all. My dad then told me that we have to move to Denver, CO. I was pretty much high the whole road trip so I don’t remember it at all. Payton started dating Pharyn and I literally just died. I couldn’t understand how he could just forget about me and date someone else? I really don’t like his girlfriend at all because he cheated on me with her. I will never forgive her. I cut myself and burnt myself over this whole situation. I am in therapy at the moment because the last event put me over the edge. A week ago, I went to Peru to visit. I saw Payton and his girlfriend at the fair and I couldn’t sleep that night because I was crying so hard. My mom told me that I could move back, I was so excited. But then she told me that I couldn’t. I was even more broken. I can’t sleep or eat or talk or breathe most of the time. I mostly just say ‘yeah’ or ‘okay’ to everyone except for Payton. I won’t ever get over him and it’s the most terrible situation. I can honestly say that I’m not happy and that I want to die. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want out.